For a Better, Or a Worse
…part of my life, I have depended upon what other people think, about me, my actions, my talents, my surroundings, and the overall environment I live in.
Existing is a part of life that I can no more understand than the greatest of philosophers, if you should call a philosopher so great. Identity is something that has eluded me for too long, and not being able to put a name to the face has pushed me further and further towards an unbalanced life.
When we first began meeting as a group, prior to our first service, during New Valley’s conception, there was an evening where I was able to eloquently express who I am. If only I could remember the words I spoke that night. I’ll try to explain where I was then.
I am a romantic. I am an artist. I feel deeper than most feel but not without consequence. I speak as I think, but not without consequence. My identity has been defined by the reflection of me in those around me and my perception of their responses to me. But not without consequence.
The result in me has become someone who has depended on others to define what I need to do in my life to be successful as a Man, a Friend, a Son, a Father, a Lover, and a child of God. I am not yet a father, and only recently in life do I feel that I have qualified as a Man. I have been a good Son, and I cannot claim that I have never loved, else I would not feel as I do.
There are people in life who do what they do because they thought it would be cool to do that. There are people in life who do what they do because they don’t see any other way. There are those who would find a passion and pursue it with all of their heart until they reach the pinnacle of their career, only to realize they have nothing. Then there are those, like the previous, who find that passion, live with passion, and learn how to truly live.
I am as human as the next person, and I would assume that the possibly imperfect picture of people that I’ve painted is something you have also noticed in life. I would not assume that you know that someone like myself faces all of these things as well, but with an added challenge of coping with a very real disorder. Attention Deficit Disorder is something that I have, and it is something that I will live with for a better, or for a worse part of my life. Knowing that there is a name to the face, I can pursue a solution, and choose for a better, and finally start listening to me, and trusting in Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse in the Bible that is widely known by many, and can be claimed by many as their favorite.
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.