Not sure how to place the emotions at times. Do you ever feel like that; where your day begins with a cloud of uncertainty and a consciousness of excruciating despair that slowly creeps through your skin like Play-Doh through the scalp of a barber’s patron? Those scissors never worked.
That’s how I feel right now. And the only remedy that I have found to quell the stench of negative emotions is time, and the only meaningful thing that I can gather the energy to actually do during that time is write. So I write about it.
If you’ve ever done a study on the night scene in Scottsdale, and probably the rest of the world, you’ll find that a vast majority of the patrons in the local bars are sales people who only earn a paycheck when they make a sale. Lawn mowers, Caterpillars, Houses, Stocks, Bonds, Pools, whether it’s a legitimate product, or a total scam, the 100% sales person is the person you’ll find at the bar soaking his liver with the fast acting, anesthetizing libations.
At what cost? Part of their commission, part of their financial future, part of their body, their soul, their spirit. Who knows?!
What I know now, being a 100% sales commission entrepreneur with uncertain income and no cap on earning potential, is that it doesn’t mix well with Attention Deficit Disorder, which is what I’m coping with.
So what is the healthy response to my situation? Should I be at a 9 to 5′er with the certainty that my day is planned out for me, as though that’s the case. I think not. Should I risk it all on a single idea? No. Should I sell my body for money? Uh…wait, fat chance on that one. There must be a solution.
All of this is predicated with the understanding that I currently am not on medication for my ailment. My brain doesn’t have as much dopamine swimming around up there as others, which is akin to an engine not having enough oil to move smoothly, or a cyclist without hiney butter to keep things smooth. Dopamine is the juice that helps the synapses fire off their signals. It’s like the sprinkler for the golfer in a lightning storm.
Have you ever noticed that in life, when you discover a better or a “right” way of doing something, you’re soon confronted with actually having to do those things, which are usually very difficult?
Become a Christian and suddenly you become hyper-sensitive to what’s right and wrong. Learn a better way of eating and suddenly letting go of the junk becomes harder. Understand finances and how to become independently wealthy over time and suddenly you’re forced to make behavioral changes that feel as though they are upsetting the fabric of your comfort hammock. Let love escape you, as though you had control over it anyway, and soon you feel like the world is crashing down around you, but only for a moment.
Emotions pass, but for someone whose synapses fire less often, emotional diversion and confusion cloud a large portion of my day, especially when nobody needs me for anything. I feel at home when I’m needed because it distracts me from the confusion.
All this to say that being a REALTOR in a market where people batten down the hatches rather than expand their territory, where my income is dependent upon me, and me is distracted by just about everything imaginable, has revealed how much shit there is to deal with that a full time job tends to cover up.
I wonder how many people who go to the same job day after day after day, punching a clock and appeasing their supervisors, are actually using that time to escape the issues that they really need to confront, like the biggest fact of all:Â I am here on this Earth, I am one person, and I am on my own, even though I’m surrounded by people who know me.
In the end, I believe that allowing myself to be pushed through this period in my life will strengthen me beyond what I can imagine.
“…just get back up when it knocks you down…”
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